I’ve just submitted my youngest’s school application for next year. I’ve been putting it off since applications opened on the 12th, choosing instead to remain under my rock with my adorable little preschooler. But now it’s done and in clicking the ‘submit’ button I could feel my heart just crumble and raw emotion erupt in my chest. Why oh why is raising children so heartbreakingly painful? Every milestone, every new phase (and boy are there a lot of ‘phases’), every new skill acquired. Every single one is so magical in their own right but each one signals the passing of time and ultimately that our little people are growing up.
I’ve always been triggered by reminders of the passing of time: birthdays, anniversaries, milestones reached have and will always continue to bring up a real mix of emotions for me as a highly sensitive person. In all honesty these past few weeks have been really mentally challenging as my oldest has moved into Year 1 and I wasn’t prepared AT ALL for the transition. That’s right, me! I wasn’t prepared for him not to be in the safe haven of his Reception class anymore. It had its own playground with no other children! It had multiple adults in EACH class! It was essentially an extension of his preschool year (as an ex-teacher, that’s not me dumbing down the work of a reception class teacher at all, merely an observation from a parent’s point of view). Basically it’s been a reminder that my biggest little boy is growing up *sob* and has to learn to face the world alone *sobs harder*.
Thankfully, he has handled the transition like a pro (because of course children do, don’t they?) whilst I am left wondering how the hell am I going to keep doing this every time my boys move through the next phase of their life? I look at my boys and watch how they handle themselves with such style and resilience. I admire their ability to feel all the feels, pick themselves up, dust themselves off, have a cuddle (probably some choccy too) and then move on: sometimes within a matter of minutes. Isn’t it funny how a 5 year old and a 3 year old can teach you so much about life? Now, repeat after me…I give myself permission to feel all of the feels knowing that it will guide me forward and help me move on.
Love always,
Charlotte (the lady that is definitely going to cry herself to sleep tonight after finally submitting that school application…)
xxxx