Never stop learning about yourself...

Never stop learning about yourself...

Do you ever notice a shift in energy around the full moon? Since stepping (very slowly) into the world of woo I’ve definitely noticed that around the time of a full moon my sleep goes a bit crazy, my dreams are insane and I am wired come bedtime. I used to think this was ‘just’ my hormones but actually with last week’s full blood moon and eclipse I am thinking there is more to it. 

Alongside the energy boost, I’ve been feeling really nostalgic and reflective. A lovely friend (@theholisticmummy) encouraged me to process my thoughts and feelings by journaling, but I wanted to share it with you here. 

I’ve noticed a huge shift in my mindset in the past couple of months and ultimately I’m mentally much stronger now that I ever have been. I was knocked so hard by my cancer diagnosis (full blog post coming soon…) last summer and it’s really taken me a long time to get back on my feet. To put it bluntly, with a stage 3/4 metastatic melanoma diagnosis, I thought I was going to die but I’m a year in the clear and that feels bloody good!

I’ve recently been ruminating on what ‘could have been’ had I not found the lump when I did. Something compelled me to check my breasts that day in the shower (I don’t normally check but I routinely check now and so should you!). If I hadn’t acted as fast as I did; if the lump had been anywhere but my breast I wouldn’t have been seen so quickly; if my consultant wasn’t as amazing as he was. I think I am experiencing some sort of delayed trauma and this is me speaking my truth. 

I could try to unpack this a little more here but the reality is that at the minute, it’s sitting heavily on my shoulders. I don’t know just yet what I need to offload nor can I make much sense of my thoughts at the moment; this is the way my brain works and I need to allow myself time to process. This leads me onto my next truth: I think I have adhd. Not the hyperactive kind, but the inattentive type. My brain has always been scatty and that is reflected in the way that I work. I have beaten myself up about it for so long: why can’t I just be organised? I flit between jobs as I work on my business and often have a dozen orders half finished lying around. I also ignore those tasks that are too big and overwhelming. I’m working really hard on acceptance. This is how I am. And getting these truths out there is so cathartic and leads me on the road to that acceptance.

The third truth I want to share with you is that I have believed for so long that my moods, my inner narrative, my behaviour has always been linked to my hormones and my PMDD. Although I know the impact hormones play in my life, there are a lot of other things at play here. I’ve often wondered why I’m not feeling great during my follicular phase (the pmdd research tells me that I should be feeling great right now!) but life often gets in the way and that’s the same for all of us. Ultimately, I am on a journey of self discovery and have shared two (pretty huge) things with you today that I have learnt about myself in the past few weeks and am only just getting my head around. So much makes sense once you embark on a journey of self discovery: never stop learning about yourself! 

What truths do you need to say out loud? 

Love always, 

Charlotte (the lady who really wants to accept herself for the way that she is)


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