Do you ever notice a shift in energy around the full moon? Since stepping (very slowly) into the world of woo I’ve definitely noticed that around the time of a full moon my sleep goes a bit crazy, my dreams are insane and I am wired come bedtime. I used to think this was ‘just’ my hormones but actually with last week’s full blood moon and eclipse I am thinking there is more to it.
Alongside the energy boost, I’ve been feeling really nostalgic and reflective. A lovely friend (@theholisticmummy) encouraged me to process my thoughts and feelings by journaling, but I wanted to share it with you here.
I’ve noticed a huge shift in my mindset in the past couple of months and ultimately I’m mentally much stronger now that I ever have been. I was knocked so hard by my cancer diagnosis (full blog post coming soon…) last summer and it’s really taken me a long time to get back on my feet. To put it bluntly, with a stage 3/4 metastatic melanoma diagnosis, I thought I was going to die but I’m a year in the clear and that feels bloody good!
I’ve recently been ruminating on what ‘could have been’ had I not found the lump when I did. Something compelled me to check my breasts that day in the shower (I don’t normally check but I routinely check now and so should you!). If I hadn’t acted as fast as I did; if the lump had been anywhere but my breast I wouldn’t have been seen so quickly; if my consultant wasn’t as amazing as he was. I think I am experiencing some sort of delayed trauma and this is me speaking my truth.
I could try to unpack this a little more here but the reality is that at the minute, it’s sitting heavily on my shoulders. I don’t know just yet what I need to offload nor can I make much sense of my thoughts at the moment; this is the way my brain works and I need to allow myself time to process. This leads me onto my next truth: I think I have adhd. Not the hyperactive kind, but the inattentive type. My brain has always been scatty and that is reflected in the way that I work. I have beaten myself up about it for so long: why can’t I just be organised? I flit between jobs as I work on my business and often have a dozen orders half finished lying around. I also ignore those tasks that are too big and overwhelming. I’m working really hard on acceptance. This is how I am. And getting these truths out there is so cathartic and leads me on the road to that acceptance.
The third truth I want to share with you is that I have believed for so long that my moods, my inner narrative, my behaviour has always been linked to my hormones and my PMDD. Although I know the impact hormones play in my life, there are a lot of other things at play here. I’ve often wondered why I’m not feeling great during my follicular phase (the pmdd research tells me that I should be feeling great right now!) but life often gets in the way and that’s the same for all of us. Ultimately, I am on a journey of self discovery and have shared two (pretty huge) things with you today that I have learnt about myself in the past few weeks and am only just getting my head around. So much makes sense once you embark on a journey of self discovery: never stop learning about yourself!
What truths do you need to say out loud?
Charlotte (the lady who really wants to accept herself for the way that she is)